Humans are psychological beings. possibly that’s the reason we decide to look absent from anything that’s distasteful, like a rape or may be a murder that has just happened. I am 29. Strangely, though I am born in a country where women are expected to remember their 14 ancestors out of pain on the wedding night, it is of no consequence to my future husband. An entire generation of women cursed. Everyone having varying degrees of sadness, but sadness they had indeed. I like to believe women of my generation are more in dilemma than sadness, or maybe we are all in much more stress but less sadness. Which is worse?

Women of my mother’s generation had a simple rule to stick with turn absent your eyes and let the victim stay victimised. My friend had already seen the red flags hoisted. I am choosing to disregard them. I am hoping to do that until one of us in this marriage is dead or perhaps until our divorce. Intuition tells me it’s a wrong choice, however, my gender conscious self reminds me I am soon to grow wrinkles and though the Word has 7 billion people, not even a tenth of them would I find who according to Youtube is a non toxic partner.

I must be prepared for whatever is to come. It has been 3 months since we have started talking, but I have already wished that he cancels the engagement on 45 different days. Happiness I have never expected, for as a woman staying alive is my first prayer.

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