Welcome back to Cover Snark! Get a beverage of choice, pull up a chair, and let’s go!

To Hear the Sea-Maid's Music by Pamela Sherwood. A pirate ship in the background on the water. A giant blonde woman's head is rising out of the water. She has purple eyes and a thousand yard state. A silver mermaid tail is also coming out of the water behind her.

Tara: The sea has many songs and I have many questions. Question number one: WTF?

Claudia: No. 2, will she be able to swim at all if her head is bigger than her tail?

Maya: I guess now I know what it looks like when an accent color stops being an accent color and become a violet hellscape I’ll never escape

Shana: Is this what they meant by violet eyes? Because those laser orbs are terrifying.

Sarah: She looks SO pissed off. Like, “You sea faring fuckboys have shown up again and expect me to sing on command? UGH. Why.”

Carrie: You know, I was willing to throw down for this cover, sins of bad perspective aside. I rather like the terrifying eyes of doom because pissed off mermaids are the best kind. But then I realized that her hair is not only perfectly dry but also perfectly styled, and I know mermaids do like their combs, but she’s not sitting on a rock so what the hell how is her hair like that.

Maybe we are incorrectly assuming that the tail and the head belong to the same person. Maybe the mermaid is looking for her favorite barbie doll which she thinks may have gotten lost in the depths but is in fact bobbing along the surface.

Although anyone who has ever taken a Barbie doll out of the box knows all too well that that hair would never happen – all Barbie dolls have a secret power which causes their hair to become tangled irreversibly the moment the box is opened.

Tara: Right? Her hair is perfect and her makeup is flawless. How is this possible?

Catherine: I’m not at all sure it’s her tail. If it is, she’s an awfully strange shape. Maybe there’s another mermaid sneaking up behind her, about to shoot out of the water and splash that annoyingly perfect hair?

Alien Embrace. A woman and alien embracing. The woman is behind him, while the blue spiky alien man faces away from us. There's a blue magical hole exploding right by his butt.

From Elizabeth S: His butt is a black hole HAHAHAHAHAHA

Sarah: Also, he’s horny.

Amanda: Also squicked out by the wet, goopy embryo planet.

Catherine: I really thought she had impaled his shoulders on her claws for a minute. And now I am staring at his snakeskin back like it’s a Rorschach blot, trying to find meaning. I don’t think I’m going to find meaning…

Out of Darkness by Anna Carven. A grey shirtless man who is wearing this odd, leather bolero jacket.

From Pam G: Is that a flashlight in your jeans or are you just glad to see me?

Sarah: How did he get his bread rolls so impossibly fluffy?

Elyse: I love that his top is just sleeves. That’s it.

Tara: A little alien bolero jacket!

Sarah: What does he use to keep the chest parts in place?

Tara: Double-sided tape?

AJ: I’m gonna be honest, if that alien doesn’t have 4 arms I’m not interested. STACKABLE PECS OR GTFO

The Right Closet by Melissa Price. Wow what a feat of photoshop. A plane with a bright green stripe is diving into a pool of reflective water. There's an American flag tube floatie in the water and an illustrated, pageant queen waving a pride flag on the wing.

Tara: Soooo, I don’t know what to say about this except to point out that that’s a drag queen on the wing. So much is wrong with this that I might be starting to grow fond of it

Shana: That cover looks like someone cut out a bunch of random things from a children’s book, and glued them together

Sarah: That cover is a disaster in many, many ways.

Susan: When your only tool is clipart…?


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